If you are reading this you are probably in the middle of the Infertility Worry Wars. The Infertility Worry Wars are extremely common, it is not something that is openly spoken about. The war on worry and thoughts that very often conflict with one another during this struggle are very real for many couples.
If you are aware that you are a worrier it is important to think about your worrying behaviour. I would put money on most of your worrying being unfounded. If you are now facing Infertility you may be feeling vulnerable and most of what is happening may be out of your control, it is the perfect recipe for worry or anxiety. I have met many women and men who have struggled with Infertility and I have compiled a list of common worries couples may have. This may help you when you think about your worry and may even alleviate some isolation.
Common worries that couples may have when they are going through Infertility include;
- Potentially being left behind if they are not meeting their own deadlines for conceiving. Couples often mention loneliness and isolation due to other friends being busy with their families.
- Couples can feel isolated in their Infertility struggle and that this could potentially be their future. Watching other couples get pregnant can be extremely difficult for women in particular. It is very common for couples not speak to many people about what happening and this may be due to shame, guilt, or even feeling inadequate.
- Concern that others will discuss or gossip about their Infertility struggle.
- What to say when others ask or start a conversation with “when will we hear the patter of little feet”, “are ye trying yet”. People may have good intentions but this can be anxiety provoking for a couple and depending on the circumstances this can have varying degrees of emotional reaction. It may be helpful to have something prepared for these occasions and this worry may be alleviated.
- Women often feeling they are not meeting their destiny, when they are having difficulty conceiving. Women often state that they were put on this earth to have babies. Women may rehash there decisions until this point about starting a family and may blame themselves for the difficulties they are facing. This can affect your self- esteem and self- worth which can have an impact on your mood.
- Men feeling less masculine if they are solely affected by the fertility issue. Like women it can have an effect on self-esteem and self-worth.
- Worrying about the relationship, this can be affected regardless of whom the fertility issue is with. If it is unexplained it throws up questions about you as a couple. Intimacy is a common worry due to sex potentially becoming mechanical. Couples often say that it can be difficult to feel as connected after a period of infertility. If one partner has the issue they can find it difficult to enjoy their body and so this can make it difficult when a couple are intimate with one another.
- Worry about the future. Couples can often find themselves in a spiral of worry about their future. They can almost imagine a life without a child and what this would feel like. While it is realistic and pragmatic to envisage future options which may be available, it is very common to see women and men thinking twenty years ahead which can affect their present experience.
If you find yourself having these worries these are common but it is important to remember that these are just thoughts they may not reflect the reality of the situation. Check in with your worry today and ask yourself how well your worries serve you. If you are finding it difficult to manage your worries or anxieties make an appointment today and we can discuss an individual management plan for your worries. This may not just benefit today but well into the future. See my blog on Why Infertility Counselling which will give you some insight into why you should consider Counselling http://www.stateofmindpsychotherapy.com/why-infertility-counselling/–It’s time to start investing in you- Elva